This site is a class blog space for new Career and Technical Specializations and Heathcare Science teachers enrolled in the New Teacher Institute (NTI) at Georgia State University in Atlanta, Georgia.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Exhausted!
I must say, I have these feelings of "not wanting to do that again" just about every morning I go to work. As many of you know, I have a long commute to and from work. With no traffic, it takes me about 45 mins to 1 hour one way everyday. That in itself is starting to wear on me. However, overall, I am thankful I have a job and shouldn't complain too much. I am finding myself becoming frustrated with teaching as a whole. I'm not sure if it is "teaching" or if it is the school itself. It is literally all I can do do get out of bed each morning and make it in to work. I have already taken a "mental health" day for myself this year...it was either stay home and take care of myself or see my picture on the 5 o'clock news for yelling at a student or an administrator. (I wouldn't really, but it felt like I was coming awfully close.) :-) As stated in my last post "searching for the positive", it is becoming increasingly harder to find something good everyday. I did find it a bit amusing that the topic references thinking about things at night....I'm lying awake dreading the day to come every night. I toss and turn, worrying that my kids are bored..that I am not a good teacher..that my admin will find some other hoops for me to jump through..or that my principal will discover some other "touchy, feely" thing that she wants us to do. I think that I'm just in a"funk" right now, and don't know what to do about getting out of it. I know I should be thankful for all I have, and don't get me wrong because I am. However, I wish I could turn my brain off at night so I could get some rest instead of lying awake worrying every single night. I was hoping this year would be better than the last..that since I had a little time under my belt that I would just be building upon what I did last year. That is not the case, however. So far this year has been more difficult and more frustrating and I am beginning to question why I am doing this. I guess I am searching for some advice from my classmates and my instructors. If my heart is not in it, should I not be here...or it this just a really bad case of the winter blues?
Amy
ReplyDeleteSounds like it is not going well at all . Although I do not have your commute, I to feel the exhaustion. Trying to keep lessons interesting, only to have students falling asleep. Having a good lesson, giving review time, even using a test as a "study guide" Only to have many students say they never have heard of the material. The constant stopping so the chatter will stop. Dealing with theft, many social problems and bad attitudes.
In the end you have got to do what is best for you. No one will take care of you.You have to take care of yourself and your family. As nurses we all want to make the world better. At my age I have found that we can't, but in my heart I still want to try. Great perscription for ulcers !
Amy, to build off of what Emily has said, I would recommend that you "pay yourself first". If you can take care of you, it is easier to take care of your students. Another thing is to ask the kids their opinion. Now, you'll have to prepare yourself mentally for the feedback, but it could really help. I usually have the kids take out an extra sheet of paper when we are taking a quiz, or working on another assignment that students complete individually. I ask the students to write down one thing they like about class, and one thing they would change. This may help you design lessons that keep the students a bit more excited. Or, help you trim the fat of your lessons. Last year, I spent a lot of time teaching what I felt was important, only to find out that it wasn't important to the kids, or applicable to what we were doing later in the semester. High school students are so self-centric that THEY are only interested in material THEY think will apply to THEIR life. This makes their patience short for anything else. Maybe finding out exactly what they want to learn would help them get involved, which would cut down on some issues.
ReplyDeleteI think EVERYBODY goes through this!! I have felt the same way. Coming from law enforcement, I could just lock people up that broke the law are did wrong. If you violated, there were no if, ands or but's. Your were arrested! It is a lot to deal with in teaching. Even with lessons plans, a 5 min commute to work and extra money coming in from the afterscholl program I still find myself asking why I chose this too. Teaching is an ongoing job that never stops. I am used to "shutting off my work brain" at my former career. You can't do that with teaching. It is always something. Hang in there. We are lucky!!
ReplyDeleteHi, Amy - you have rec'd solid advice from several colleages, and I would add that you should stay focused on your students because, when I was there, I saw respect and appreciation from them. Keep on doing the right thing by them and the rewards will come, as will the deep sleep nights. You are doing a great job and your students know that, even if it doesn't show all the time. Do what you can with new admin tasks but don't let them overwhelm or discourage you - focus on your students first. And you may be right about the change of seasons affecting your motivation as well . . . just keep reminding your self that you are doing the right thing and try to be content with that.
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