This site is a class blog space for new Career and Technical Specializations and Heathcare Science teachers enrolled in the New Teacher Institute (NTI) at Georgia State University in Atlanta, Georgia.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Open Mic - Caring TOO Much
I am going to take this open mic post to use as my own personal therapy session. Over the past few months I am facing a similar dilemma over and over again: caring too much! I was told by a veteran teacher, “Once you start caring too much, that’s when you start getting into trouble” and I have begun to see that take place in my life when it comes to my kids.
Without going into too much detail, I have a student who has become very attached to me and even calls me “mom”. Her mother has acknowledged that her daughter responds better to my directions than her own for some reason, and has asked me to have one-on-one chats with the student on several occasions about issues they are facing. I don’t mind helping out, but the other night my substitute parent role got out of hand when I was asked to get involved in something I wasn’t comfortable with. Long story short, DFACS ended up getting involved, and I feel guilty for not doing more to help the situation. Those close to me have told me to step back and realize that there is nothing I can do.
In a two week span I had to deal with a student who was sent to alternative school, a student who was arrested, a student who is threatening to drop out, and a student who confided in me that her mother is dying. I love these kids as if they were my own, but I feel that is starting to get me in trouble. I worry about them constantly, I try to “save” them from their problems, and I talk about “my kids” all the time. I know that I am a caring individual who wants to solve everyone’s problems, but that very fact is becoming my own issue.
Am I being too whiny? Does anyone else feel my pain? How do I turn off caring too much?
Can I just say OMG. I just posted the most uplifting remarks for you and they did not publish. I will try again but it probably won't be as eloquent. Basically I said this:" you are going to make a much bigger splash in the lives of the kids you teach, than those that watched you on TV. I am glad you are no longer "Channel 9". Don't turn off the caring button. Set boundaries and stay within them. Love you!
ReplyDeleteCan I just say OMG. I just posted the most uplifting remarks for you and they did not publish. I will try again but it probably won't be as eloquent. Basically I said this:" you are going to make a much bigger splash in the lives of the kids you teach, than those that watched you on TV. I am glad you are no longer "Channel 9". Don't turn off the caring button. Set boundaries and stay within them. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes we click with certain students the same way we do with people outside of our classes. What you are experiencing, I feel, is expected, if you care about what you do. There are MANY teachers who have allowed themselves to become so removed from their students that they just don’t care anymore. I have also had some students, which I had a mentor/father-like relationship with, do or say some things that required counselors and doctors to get involved. What would have happened to these students if you, or I, or any teacher that cares wasn’t a part of their lives? Some, if not all, of those situations would likely have been worse. As long as you have known boundaries established you should be safe to care.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are being too whiny. My advice to you is boundaries, boundaries, and more boundaries. You love your job, these type of situations come with that. I care about my students and I have special connections with a hand full of my students that go outside of the school walls. Even with those connections and relationships I repeat to myself, "boundaries, boundaries, boundaries." I've had to contact the social worker with 2 different situations and if I weren't connected to or didn't care for my students I would've been oblivious to their critical situations. Stay strong but definitely create and practice boundaries.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel because a have a few students who talk to me about their personal life but I feel like people want us to work miracles without caring or being around them. I feel like people who aren't teachers have a saying, "Care for our kids but don't care for our kids." I feel like that's almost impossible because you can't help but to care for kids, especially this generation because they are so confused and lost. I do my best everyday to make an impact and I know I do because a lot of my kids simply tell me, "Thank you!" To any teacher, I believe that is as good as gold!
ReplyDeleteI do understand, what your saying, caring about your students can make you loose sleep at night. Caring too much can effect your life with a heavy weight. I have found that I must leave work at work in order to function in my outside life. I don't always follow my own advise, but it makes thing easier to at least keep that in my mind. Also, you can only do what you can do.
ReplyDeleteBoy does this hit close to home. I can definitely relate to caring for the students alot. However, there is something that I realized the end of last semester. Whenever you speak encouraging words or go out of your way to help a student, you are planting a seed.
ReplyDeleteIn most cases, you don't have to repeat this process because as a teacher, it's not our job to water that seed which can exceed our job description. I look at students like growing plants. We are here to help them as much as possible, but to draw the line and not let our emotions get the best of us, simply plant the seed and allow it grow on its own. It may not seem like things have changed, but at least you deposited something in them to help the student recall when necessary.