Change in perspective..it's not about me

I made an assumption about one of my student's ability based on his behavior in class. He always had something negative to say, he was quick to challenge what was being taught and he made disruptive comments. I reached the point where I dreaded the days that he was in my class and silently rejoiced when he missed coming to class, because it was so peaceful without him. I don't remember exactly what lesson I was teaching, I feel it had to do with life stages, parental traits; because during the session, the student said in a challenging, very confrontational way that he was adopted. The first statement that came out of my mouth was "how wonderful...that means you where chosen." I went on to explain that most parents are "stuck" with what they receive at birth, but he had an opportunity to be selected..."a special gift" Of course, he did all the posturing that was part of his clowning behavior, but he said "yeah!! I was chosen".

The class went on and over the course of several weeks, I noticed a change in his participation and this year even though he is not in my class, he makes it a point to come and speak to me and calls me his other mom. He becomes agitated and raises his voice when he tries to explain things, especially when he feels he's right. We worked on that trait during the past year. I had an opportunity to assist him with another teacher this year, helped him clear up the altercation, had him lower his voice and apologize. He said "but that was what I was trying to do!!!

We discussed using a lower voice, so he can be heard and it worked. He is a better student, actively participates and my greatest joy was watching him help a fellow student calm down...what a change! Did he have a chip on his shoulder because he was adopted, I honestly do not know...but I'm forever grateful to the person who shared with me the idea that adopted children have the honor of being selected as part of a family. It sure helped and he ended 2009 - 2010 school year with a high B in my class.

My perspective changed because I realized my students have many issues underneath the surface that may overflow in the classroom and that in spite of what I may feel most of the time it has nothing to do with me.