This inaugural school year for me has really been busy. I have been working to establish the components associated with HOSA. The students have made great contributions to the leadership activities required for a successful HOSA start up. The students have taken a career personality test to help them identify their leadership strengths and weaknesses. As you can imagine, I also took this test as I have many times before. Once again, I was classified as an ENFJ(Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging). As I read through the characteristics that so well define me, I began to think about recent events in my personal and professional life. I have thought about the freedoms that existed in my prior career. If I needed to take time off I put in a single page request. I scheduled patients around my schedule to make sure that all items were done to my requirement.
During the past week, I suffered the loss of a dear childhood family member. We grew up like sisters and shared many of the challenges and successes of our lives together. I was capable of visiting her during her short period of illness and made closure during that visit. I anticipated a call at any time reporting her passage from this life. When I received that call I did not cry. I realized at that time that I was too overwhelmed with life and work to figure out how to get off from work and make the 8 hour trip to her parent’s home and spend this time with our loved ones. Just as my personality profile indicates, I have boxed this component away to deal with at a later time. All of my family missed me and I have received numerous inquiries on how I am doing. All I have been able to think about is, "If I had not started this new job, I could easily get off from work, make the trip and take my time recovering from the emotional and physical rigor of the trip". I know that loss is inevitable, but I don't ever want to go through this again. It is not the loss that has depleted me but the fact that I don't know how to deal with it and remain functional in my new position.
Suzette, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know this must be a difficult time for you right now. I will keep you in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteSuzette, my condolences go out to you and your family. It is amazing how when we enter into the world of education, things occur at the most inopportune time. It's as if you would like to say to your family.."if something happens, please schedule it during summer or winter break when I have time to deal with it". During my first year and first semester of teaching (November), I lost my baby sister abruptly and found myself at school a day after her death trying to put something together for my kids. The following year, I lost a close aunt near the end of Christmas break. Mourning with my family became difficult because of my need to get back to work. Well this month, my husband lost his brother and we were unable to go home with family because of the distance and because of ..my work. It seems like it never ends but what I can say is, the children have a way of helping you deal and cope with the loss of a loved one. I can't tell you how many text messages I received from my kids during my absences. I can honestly say that although I felt the need to be there for them..they equally felt the need to be there for me. You may have allowed yourself to put this situation in a box on a shelf but please do not allow it to sit for so long. Use it as an opportunity to grieve openly by discussing some things about your cousin in class. You'd be surprise at how many children have gone thru or are going thru somethings similar. As you can see, we teachers never really get a break until we create a break in education and build upon our life experiences thus building upon the lives of those we teach.
ReplyDeleteLuv u gal...and my prayers are with you and your family